Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
