At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
