What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
