ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
