it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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