a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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