Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize