I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The Olympian is in my bed
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
