its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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