I puked a lego.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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