I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
