i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
