What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
