I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
