I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She told me I should be a condom model.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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