After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
