You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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