I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
