So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
