Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
