went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
