she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
