8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
