Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
