can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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