he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
