mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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