Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
