He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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