shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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