why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
