i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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