If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
