Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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