hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
