i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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