I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
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