I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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