....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
