I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
