I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
