ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
im six kinds of drunk right now
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
