Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
last night I used snow as a chaser
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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