I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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