I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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