Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
