Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Randomize
