ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
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When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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