I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
