it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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