Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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