nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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