sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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