sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Do vagina's smell?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
