??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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