I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
