My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
