I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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