break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
