this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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