wakey wakey hands off snakey
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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