Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
