u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
