did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
