is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
