My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
