and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
