accomplished twins. life is a go
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i out mim tonsoeep
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
