super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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