The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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