At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i will never coherently bang her
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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