fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
How external is "for external use only"?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
