im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
