My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
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i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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