Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Someone shit on the floor
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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