shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
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